“And that’s the gestation period for Vossian Intestinal Maggots. You get them from eating undercooked Vossian meat.”

“They were not undercooked.”

Squeeeee-EAK. Rumble. Gurgle. EEEEK.

“Oh, there they go again.”

“You don’t have Vossian Intestinal Maggots.”

“Oh yeah? How would you know? You don’t find out until they hatch and you’re giving birth to a hundred thousand maggots out your ass.”

“You’ve strayed .000043 degrees off course.”

“Correcting. And then the ones that can’t make it out that way-the ones higher up in your intestinal tract-they start chewing through the intestinal wall in a desperate attempt to escape the confines of your body. They literally tear you apart with their teeth from the inside out. I knew this guy….”

“Oh, here we go again.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You always know ‘some guy.’”

“If you would let me finish what I was saying….”

“Fine. Finish what you were saying.”

“I knew this guy, who had a friend, whose cousin….”

“So in other words, you don’t know anyone who’s ever had Vossian Intestinal Maggots.”

“Well, no, but….”

“And as far as I know, no human has ever gotten them.”

“That’s not true. There was this guy on the news….”

.